Whadya gonna do?

Overheard on the street...

Well, I gotta tell you, if you want people to know youíre there you gotta paste it to them. You know, mufflers with cutoffs so you can really infrasound the boogers when the need comes over you. Thatís American culture in a nutshell. Loud road machines are a necessity at times. Motorcycles, for instance would have no appeal if they didnít roar - nobody wants a hog that doesn't roar. Oh, yeah - those expensive imports with drive shafts - well, theyíre bad for the ego. And besides, the ladies donít get that buzz in the right places on those quiet bikes. I guess they're alright for Buddhists and people like that. To me it just doesnít seem natural, I mean if it goes, itís gotta make some noise and if itís a real sexy goer, it lets you know itís there in spades.

And then there's the oil. Oil is the essence of God in liquid form. Any good mechanic knows this, and gasoline is that distilled quintessence which, when used properly, can lead to psychedelic experiences of shamanic magnitude. Itís a religion, a way of life, and yeah, thereís a little substance abuse involved - but itís legal and Iím from New Jersey so itís got to be legal abuse - none of this back door stuff.

Yeah, when you get oil on something you know itís there. You know youíve been in the real world - youíve been touched by that magical agent which moves commerce and makes America great. And letís face it, how many of you, when you pull up to that pump, canít wait to get that first whiff of gas that puts you into a space that makes that Yaqui guy Don Juan green with envy.

So, they want to replace this with hydrogen? Whaaat? The stuff is so light it just floats away. Youíd never know it was there. No, I gotta have something I know is there. Some people are just plain stupid. Whoís gonna pay for something they canít taste feel or smell.

Anyway, there isnít much oil left so we gotta get as much as we can before it all dries up. Oil is holy and I donít think it should be messed with, to tell you the truth. I think we should be thankful, use it and keep our mouths shut and be grateful. I donít think talking about how our oil reserves are drying up and then weíll have to use hydrogen is a very smart thing to do. It just panics people.

I gotta tell you something else. Hydrogen is not natural. Did you know that hydrogen does not exist in its natural state on this planet. Duh! Itís locked up in compounds like water and stuff like that to keep it safe. Mother Nature knows! Look at what happened with the Hindenburg. Duh!! These people thought they could fill a bag with hydrogen gas and everything was gonna be alright. They thought they could just float around like in some kind of fantasy movie and not get their butts blown up. Oil, on the other hand, is natural. You drill a hole in the ground and it comes out cause itís there to come out. Itís supposed to come out and we are supposed to use it. Itís a naturally occurring substance, not like this hydrogen thing.

Anyway, Iím really disturbed! You know, this fuel cell thing. They say they donít make any noise. I mean totally silent. They also say theyíre about 30 to 40% more efficient than internal combustion engines and if pure hydrogen is used the only exhaust is water. Well, I gotta tell you, how stupid can some people get? Number one, if your exhaust is water you are simply gonna rust out your muffler way faster than they rust now and we all know how much it costs to replace mufflers nowadays. Number two - fuel efficiency. These people need a reality check. Everybody knows that SUVs are in and thatís what people want. If people cared about fuel efficiency, they wouldnít buy SUVs. Duh!

Point 3. Silent operation. Yeah, like it's real cool to pick up a chick in a ghostmobile that slides up to her silently. Kinda Gothic donít you think? I suppose it would be fun to surprise a few chicks like that but they wouldnít like it cuz they like to see and hear the muscle coming, if you know what I mean. Itís all in the foreplay. I mean, you start this silent sliding up on people, theyíre gonna be spooked...

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